A submissive should not... or should she?

This one is actually a writing assignment I was given by E., my amazing Master. We had a conversation the other day, talking about friends of ours, where the submissive girl enjoys slapping her Master around and he enjoys it, also because it gives him the perfect reason to put her in her place. It's a fun, very primal interaction, and I like it. But in my mind, it clashes with what I've always been taught submissives should, and in many cases shouldn't, be doing. So I was given this assignment: write down all the things I have at some point been told are "not done" by submissives, and highlight the ones I would actually enjoy doing. So, here goes! 

Let me start by stating that in the past, I was a slave for 10 years in a 24/7 TPE relationship with my husband, that eventually turned sour and ended. I'm not wired to be a slave, but I was trained into being one, regardless. Since this is a particularly bad episode in my past, I don't feel like revisiting the extreme things I was trained into back then and have long labelled "utter bullshit", since. 

So let's focus on the things that I still think are valid today, and find myself hesitating to do because in my mind, they are still "not done". I will divide them into 2 categories: The ones I agree with and feel no need to try, and the ones I may actually want to explore . 

Agreed:

- Disrespecting one's Master. This may entail things like lying to him, being rude for no reason, being an annoying (so not just playful) brat in public just to see if he's going to do something about it, or more generally causing drama, gossiping, being a bad person as my behavior will reflect on him. I actually believe this is not done towards anyone I care about, so this one is a no brainer, to me. 

Not sure: 

- Being the only one who gets sexually satisfied. In the past, it has been drilled into me that my purpose is to serve, to give, etc. And so, being made to cum without him doing the same, feels wrong in my mind. It makes me really uneasy if someone, anyone really not just him, focuses solely on satisfying me because in my mind, that means they are serving me, and it should be the other way around. 

Want to explore: 

- The first thing that comes to mind here is being more primal. I love that interaction between our friends but at the same time, slapping, scratching, biting etc. my Master is something I was always taught is not done. 

- Taking the initiative. This is another one I have a hard time with. Even if I really want to play, have sex etc., expressing that is hard, for me. I guess this also falls under "being more primal" in a way. 

That's really all I can think of for the moment. if more comes to mind, I will add to it. 

Better times

 I just came back to my blog for the first time since the hernia episode, last year. I haven't felt like writing. First I was too busy recovering, and then I carried on with my life. I am proud to say I eventually was able to go back to work after 2 months. For a couple of hours a day at first, but slowly but steadily upping the hours and eventually ending up calling the company doctor that I was done with the 'slow build up" schedule, hours wise, I was on and wanted to work my full normal hours. 3 months after the hernia I was back to that. My back is still needing extra care, which means getting up at least every hour and walking around for a bit. I've been exercising, keeping a healthy diet, keeping a strict sleeping schedule and making sure I do everything I can to be as healthy as possible and the results are beyond what the doctors initially told me was possible. My A.S. is hardly progressing, if at all, which is amazing and pretty much an "against the odds" kind of thing. 

Other than that life goes on. There's ups and downs but nothing major and I am generally quite the happy camper here. I'm kicking ass and taking names, and if anything the past year has proven it is that telling me I can't triggers an "oh yeah?" in me, and then I prove that actually, I can.