Last week, I turned 44. I don't really celebrate my birthday other than getting a big birthday cake and eating that with Ron and the kids. Oh and the fact I will get an iPhone, as soon as they're available here which is in only a few days time now. But birthdays don't mean a lot to me, and I stopped complying with the "general rules of conduct" dictating one should have a house full of people one needs to feed, fetch drinks and keep entertained all day long to the point where one ends up exhausted at the end of the day and realizing one was too busy to really have a decent conversation with any of the guests. Happy Birthday? Yes thanks, I'd like one, please don't come. I much rather see my friends whenever we like to see each other, and one or two at a time.
But my birthday did make me contemplate my life as it is now. I compared me now, with me 20 years ago. When I was 24, I was a hotshot manager, working 60-80 hours a week, traveling a lot for my job, making a lot of money. I was young, free, single and successful, 20 kilo's lighter than I am now and my clothing matched my perfume perfectly: both were by Chanel.
Now, I am a middle aged mom. I don't have a job outside of the house, I get paid for taking care of my mentally handicapped child by the government instead. I write a bit, I design and build a bit in Second Life, and I have several other interests I spend time on, music and spirituality being the biggest two there. I keep a big house with 6 cats, 2 rats, a dog, 2 kids and a husband clean and somewhat tidy and I run the family's finances.
In the eyes of the world, my 24 year old me was a lot bigger and hotter than my present self.
And yet.. given the choice, I wouldn't want to go back to who I was then. I am happier, more complete, more balanced, a little bit wiser and so much more myself now. And in spite of the 20 kilo's, I even think I am more beautiful now. Both my body and my spirit have been scarred by life itself. But both have also matured and are now well rounded in just the right places, the sharp edges gone. In every possible way, I am content with who and what I am. I love being 44.
In Heidelberg or wherever, don't they consider the fencing scars as marks of honor? Life's scars, at least the ones, you are talking about, IMHO, should be taken like that.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenThis post makes me feel good for two reaons.
1, it's always fun to see someone older than me, by 1 or year or 6 doesn't matter, take stock of her life. AND sharing it with me. (Among others. :) )
2, your balanced, satisfied, happy, alive mindset clearly is not a result of your shortcomings but a sign of maturing and an acquired deeper understanding of life. And that, my friends, makes me feel good because it tells me that I am getting there and just deceiving myself when I think that life is interesting and life is good!
Happy Belated Birthday, babe! :x
"your balanced, satisfied, happy, alive mindset clearly is not a result of your shortcomings"
BeantwoordenVerwijderenI feel that I should elaborate what I meant. By shortcomings I mean compromising with life and being with what you are because you don't have the courage or capability to make it better.
As I said, that's not the case with you as you have illustrated clearly. :-D